当白发人送黑发人,如何用英语安慰丧子的父母?

前日,演员于月仙遭遇车祸不幸逝世,享年50岁。人们在感慨人生无常的同时,也会看到另一条痛心的消息:于月仙的弟弟还没有告诉老母亲姐姐去世的事实。斯人已去,留下活着的人无限的悲痛,白发人送黑发人更是无法言语的痛苦。那么面对这种情况,亲友们该怎么做呢?咱们就来看看very well health2020918日的一篇文章是如何告诉我们的吧。

 

当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

(封面及插图均来源于网络,如有侵权,敬请联系。)

 

The Right Words to Say When Someone Has Lost a Child

当某人失去孩子时该说的正确的话

 

If you have never experienced the death of a child, it's extremely difficult to know what to say to someone facing this type of loss. The death of a child is unnatural, unfair, and tragic.

如果你从未经历过自己孩子的死亡,那么你很难知道该对面临这种损失的人说些什么。孩子的死亡是不自然的、不公平的和悲惨的。

 

It's completely natural for friends of the grieving parents to want to reach out and help, yet still, struggle to find the right words to say because what you say—and what you don't—can deeply affect someone in need.

悲痛的父母的朋友们想伸出援手帮助他们,这是完全自然的,但他们仍然很难找到合适的话语来说,因为你说的话--或者你没有说的话--会深深地影响到需要帮助的人。


当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

grieving它的动词形式是grieve,名词形式是grief,这在下段中都有提及。 

当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

这时候小编猜想大家一定想问grieving和sad的区别,其实看他们的英文释义就会非常清晰:Sad is an emotion, while grieve, or grieving, is the act of morning the loss of something or someone。所以grieving(尤指因某人去世引起的)悲伤的,悲痛的,那么用在本文当中是非常合适的。 

关于动词grieve我们再看两个例句,它既可以是不及物动词,搭配for, over,表示 (尤指因某人的去世而)悲伤,悲痛,伤心,比如,They are still grieving for their dead child. 他们还在死去的孩子伤心。 grieving relatives 悲痛欲绝的亲戚  

同时作为及物动词,表示使难过、使悲伤,看三个字典当中的例子吧,It grieved him that he could do nothing to help her.他因无法帮助她而伤心。Their lack of interest grieved her. 他们不感兴趣使她很痛心。It grieved her to leave.她要走了,心里很难过。通过例句可以看出grieve做及物动词的时候,适用范围更加广泛。 

关于它的名词grief再补充两个外刊例句:Her parents took their own lives when she was a teenager, a grief she did not share with anyone until she was in her 50s. 在她十几岁的时候,她的父母自杀了,直到她50多岁的时候,她才和别人分享这种悲伤。 

These seven words have become a catchphrase in recent months, a call for women to skip the grief of matrimony and enjoy the security of singledom.近几个月来,这七个词已经成为流行语,呼吁女性跳过婚姻的悲伤,享受单身的安全感。 

 

struggle to do sth我在学习班里经常强调它的意思:难以做某事,相当于it is difficult to do sth。

 
What to Say to a Grieving Parent
对悲伤的父母说什么
 
Parents who have lost a child want to feel supported in their grief and receive permission to grieve in their own way. They need to feel like their child's life was of unique importance and meant something to others who knew and loved him or her. You can meet the needs of a grieving parent by keeping the following in mind:
失去孩子的父母希望在悲痛中得到支持,并希望别人理解他们可以以自己的方式悲伤。他们需要感到孩子的生命具有独特的重要性,对了解和爱他或她的人来说意义重大。你可以通过记住以下几点来满足悲伤的父母:
 
  • Offer sincere condolence. "I am so sorry for your loss" is a good example.致以诚挚的慰问。
    我对你的损失感到非常抱歉就是一个很好的例子。
 
当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

condolence表示慰问。比如说,在新闻中,我们经常会看到中方发言人对其他国家的一些不幸的消息表示慰问,这就可以说:On behalf of the Chinese government, I express the condolences to the victims and solicitude to the bereaved families. 

再介绍一个名词solace。它既表示抽象名词安慰,又可以具体化为带来安慰的事物。常见搭配为seek/find solace in sth,比如凄凉的人生中,音乐带给了人们慰藉就可以说,Those whose life is in misery may seek/find solace in music. 

  • Offer open-ended support. "If there is anything I can do, please let me know. I'm willing to help in any way."
    提供开放式支撑。如果有什么我能做的,请告诉我,我愿意以任何方式提供帮助。
 
当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

open-ended表示“开放式”的,比如说一部电影结局是开放式的,就可以用open-ended。延伸一下,它表示无确定答案的;无限制的,比如an open-ended question 无确定答案的问题;These interviews are fairly open-ended. 这些采访相当自由随意

  • Offer silence. Don't feel like you need to fill the empty spaces with talking. Get comfortable with silence and just be physically present with the grieving parents.
    提供沉默。不要觉得你需要用谈话来填补空白。让沉默变得舒适,只是身体上与悲伤的父母在一起。
 
 
当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

be physically present 人在那里就行了。比如你暗恋某个人,只要他/她人在那里,你就很满足,这个时候就可以用上它。

 
When the time is right, express what the deceased child meant to you. This might not be appropriate to do immediately following the child's death. When the time is right, it can prove very meaningful to the parent to hear others express what the deceased child meant. You might also share a favorite memory or two to make it more personal.
当时机成熟时,表达逝去的孩子对你来说意味着什么。在孩子死后立即这样做可能不合适。当时机成熟时,听到别人表达已故孩子对他们的重要性对父母来说是非常有意义的。你也可以分享一两个最喜欢的记忆,只属于你和死者的回忆。

当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

When the time is right 时机成熟时 

 

deceased这里又不得不说一下decease和die的区别了,甚至我们延展一下,对die, decease, perish, expire, pass away少做一下区分: 

 

  • die : 最普通用词,指某人或某物失去生命而永远不存

  • decease : 名词形式,正式用词,多指法律上的用语。The house will not be yours till after your mother's decease.你母亲过世后这座房子才能归你。
  • expire : 委婉用词。从本义“从肺部吐出气来”引申为吐出最后一口气,断气而死。He endured excruciating agonies before he finally expired.在最终离世前他经受了极大的痛苦。
  • perish : 书面用词,多指夭折或不幸暴亡。Three hundred people perished in the earthquake.300人在此次地震中丧生。He believes that Europe must create closer ties or it will perish.他认为整个欧洲必须建立更紧密的联系,否则就会灭亡
  • pass away是die的委婉用语。 

 

deceased表示死去了的;已死的;亡故的。比如,her deceased parents 她已故的双亲 。我们常用the deceased表示已故的人,死者

When the time is right 时机成熟时
 
The best rule of thumb is to prepare yourself by knowing what to say, but don't go in with a game plan or any expectations. Be present, and let that little voice in your head tell you when it's time to speak and when it's time not to.
最好的经验法则是通过知道该说什么来为自己做好准备,但不要带着任何行动计划或任何期望去做。静静守候,让你脑海中的那个小声音告诉你什么时候该说话,什么时候不该说话。

当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

a rule of thumba practical method of doing or measuring sth, usually based on past experience rather than on exact measurement实用的估算方法,经验工作法 

如果想说从经验出发,依据经验,而非精确计算,就可以用它。比如,As a general rule of thumb, children this age should not spend more than one hour on homework.照理说,这个年龄的儿童家庭作业不应超过一个小时。  

 

game plan:a plan for success in the future, especially in sport, politics or business (尤指体育运动、政治或商业方面的)行动计划,方案,对策

What Not to Say
什么不该说
 
Equally as important as what to say is what not to say, such as:
与说什么同样重要的是不说什么,例如:
 
当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

表示XX同样重要,你会怎么说呢?不妨多看一眼这里的equally important,所以对减肥人士说的“饮食和锻炼同样重要。 ”就可以表达成:Diet and exercise are equally important.

  • Don't say you know how the bereaved parent feels.别说你知道丧子父母的感受。
当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

bereaved表示丧失亲友的,比如recently bereaved families 刚刚痛失亲人的家庭。而the bereaved就代指死者的亲友。

当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

  • Never say, "Well, it must have been for the best," or "It was God's will." Trying to make sense of loss in these ways can make the grieving parents feel like you're minimizing their child's death.或者永远不要说:
    好吧,这一定是最好的,或者这是上帝的旨意。试图用这些方式来理解失去会让悲伤的父母觉得你认为他们孩子的死没什么。

当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

minimize表示使减少到最低限度,这层意思并不陌生,比如Good hygiene helps to minimize the risk of infection. 保持清洁有助于最大限度地减少感染的危险。
另外它还引申出to try to make sth seem less important than it really is这层意思,也就是降低;贬低;使显得不重要 ,比如,He always tried to minimize his own faults, while exaggerating those of others. 他总是试图对自己的错误轻描淡写,对别人的错误夸大其词。
英文中表示轻描淡写,经常用play down这个词组。play down就相当于downplay, 两个意思一样。比如中国疫情爆发地武汉,最开始就是因为政府无作为而有了许多白白的牺牲,经济学人就用了downplay一词来形容武汉政府的态度:But many people are angry at the government in Wuhan. Netizens accuse it of initially downplaying the outbreak.但许多人对武汉的政府感到愤怒。网民们指责政府起初疫情轻描淡写

当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

  • Never say, "She's in a better place now." That might bring you comfort if you believe in heaven, but it might not provide comfort to a grieving parent, who is in the worst possible place on earth.不要说:
    她现在在一个更好的地方。如果你相信天堂,这可能会给你带来安慰,但它可能不会给一个悲伤的父母带来安慰,而他们正处于一个最悲伤,最糟糕的状态。
 
  • Don't trivialize your loved one's story by telling a story of your own. This is their time to grieve so keep the focus on them.不要通过讲述你自己的故事来淡化你所爱的人的故事。这是他们悲伤的时候,所以要把注意力集中在他们身上。
当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

trivialize这个词一看就是从trivial这个词过来的,任何背过大学以上单词的小伙伴对它一定不会陌生,表示不重要的,琐碎的,微不足道的。而加上了ize,就变成了动词to make sth seem less important, serious, difficult, etc. than it really is使显得琐碎(或不重要、不难等);轻视的意思。
[拓展]咱们这里延展一下ize的知识:动词后缀ize意为"make",表示“使成...状态”、“使...化”等意思,英式英语中也使用-ise。
①-ize一般作为派生词缀在形容词或名词后面,构成动词。表示to make ~(使成为...,使...化),to become~(变成~),to engage or use~(使用...),to treat in the way of ~(按...方式处理),to act like~(像...一样行动)等。

②-ize 构成的动词多是及物动词,不及物动词为数很少。顺便指出,与-ize对应的表示行为与行为者名词后缀常常是-ization与-izer。trivialize这个词和上面的minimize意思差不多。

  • Don't mention a timeline for grief or the stages of grief. Grief doesn't follow a timeline or move through predictable stages.不要为悲伤规划时间表或阶段。悲伤不会遵循时间线,也不会经历可预测的阶段。
 
  • As a general rule, avoid philosophizing or trying to make things better. Accept the fact that you may feel awkward and helpless. Most mistakes occur when you aren't prepared and say things to either hide or overcome these perfectly normal feelings.作为一般规则,避免高谈阔论或试图使气氛变得更好。接受你可能会感到尴尬和无助的事实。大多数错误发生在你没有做好准备,说了一些事情来隐藏或克服这些完全正常的感觉。

当白发人送黑发人,如何安慰丧子的父母?

philosophize这个词也是明眼人一看就知道是从philosophy哲学这个名词过来的。加了ize变成了动词to talk about sth in a serious way, especially when other people think this is boring郑重论述;高谈阔论,比如He spent the evening philosophizing on the meaning of life. 他整个晚上大谈人生的意义。 

Keep Up the Support
继续支持
 
Keep in mind that someone who loses a child will never get "back to normal" and will never "get over it." The loss of a child transforms a person for the rest of his or her life.
请记住,失去孩子的人永远不会恢复正常,也永远不会克服困难。失去孩子会改变一个人的余生。
 
Because of this, you should love and support your bereaved friend or loved one for who they are and who they will become as he or she adjusts to the difficult, unfair loss of a child.
正因为如此,你应该爱和支持你失去亲人的朋友或爱人,爱并接受他们是谁,他们将成为谁,当他或她适应失去一个孩子带来的困难和不公的时候。

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