读后续写|A Balloon with Wish List《愿望气球》

读后续写已经成为主流,无论从全国范围还是浙江省,广大师生对这道题目的研究越来越深刻,也因此得分上越来越难。作为高考英语卷中单题分值最大的一道题目(占25分),从很大程度上它决定了一个尖子生的英语得分高度。而英语作为首考四门学科中唯一的实考得分科目以及150分的占比,又很大程度上决定了一个学生的总分实力。首考的得分会影响到第二阶段的学习策略选择,因此续写——英语——总分——策略看似较远的关联,实则有着密不可分的关系。

今天我们要读的这篇是关于人间善良的。作为国家级考试,高考中选择文章的主题考虑必然是积极和正能量的,人与人之间的情感,尤其是积极的情感成为了续写的一种主流。续写的阅读要理清几个要素,以情节为首要,否则我们就不知道故事在讲什么了。但是角色也非常重要,诸如《红楼梦》和《百年孤独》这种伟大的作品都有复杂的人物关系,续写不会为难学生,但我们也要理清人物的关系。

读后续写|A Balloon with Wish List《愿望气球》

 

黄色部分的文字即为人物关系,这篇文章因为人名出现比较频繁,占比较大,因而学生需要采用适合自己的方式把他们找出来。文中的Alvin Bamburg是故事的主角,他是一位66岁的善良老头,他的妻子文中也有出现,但并未涉及到具体人名。Luna是一个四岁的小女孩,Leticia Flores是她的母亲。老头和女孩之间的关系是助人者和受助者的关系。文中还有大写字母起头的单词是双方的居住地,Alvin住在Grand Cane, Louisiana, 女孩Luna一家住在Liberal Kansas.

每一篇文章都有属于自己的特点,我们在解读的时候要能够找出这种特点,这需要读者有比较敏锐的嗅觉,培养这种嗅觉最好的方式便是多读。以这篇文章为例,其频繁出现的人名和地名便需要我们去理清。

 

理清人物关系还只是其中一步,一篇文章的多维度解读是写好读写的关键,很多老师和考生都将读后续写的重心放在了写作技巧的讲解和语言素材的狂轰滥炸式的堆积上面,这种无趣带来的不仅是学生英语学习兴趣的泯灭,更糟糕的是这种无意识的素材堆积而导致的“整体统一”和“含糊不清”导致的全民审美疲劳,这场灾难已经在目前的考场得分中显现。阅卷老师已经不再满足于花里胡哨却不知所云的表达,他们更倾向于一种自然本真的人间清醒。

这个故事是从两个家庭的两个视角进行双向平行展开的。

 

第一视角是老男人Alvin,前面五段讲他,实则也是在讲故事的起因。第一段有时间Last December, 地点deep in the wood in Grand Cane, Louisniana,人物Alvin Bamburg,事件a broken balloon with a child's Christmas wish list caught his eyes. 故事的第一段简洁明了地将记叙文四要素全部交代:去年12月,路易斯安那的66岁老头埃尔文在一次森林徒步中发现了一个带着愿望清单的破气球。

 

第二段是对愿望清单的详述,但是这里的Spider-Man, Frozen doll, My Little Pony比较考验学生眼力劲,蜘蛛侠、冰雪奇缘、小马宝莉,女生在这部分的理解上更有优势。传统意义上的candy还有puppy不难理解,当然如果不认识puppy(小狗)则是灾难性的,因为续写第二段要写puppy. 三四五讲到Alvin为了帮助小女孩实现愿望清单所做的努力,最终他选择将消息发在脸书上找这个小女孩。

 

第二视角是小女孩Luna这边。Luna的母亲起先并没有对女儿随手放飞的气球过于在意,因为新冠疫情,他们一家人生活困难,感到痛苦、孤独和绝望。当时为了安慰年幼的孩子,Leticia想了放飞愿望气球的一招。但放飞后她也没放在心上,直到有一天她的朋友打电话给她,告知她有人找到了Luna的气球。

续写的第一段的首句是At her friend’s urging, she logged on to Facebook and saw Alvin’s post. 第二段首句是Still, there was one wish on the list that couldn’t go in the box: A puppy. 从文章的视角分析,我们可以看到两段文字的关联度并不是很大。第一段讲到了Leticia上网查看消息,在续写的时候我们可以用比较大的笔墨去渲染这位母亲的情绪,以及她之后的动作,那肯定是第一时间去联系这位好心人。第二段则是从礼物准备的角度,也就是Alvin这边去写。但是这段续写的难度在于这个puppy,小狗礼物该如何处理的问题。我们知道现在邮政发达,段落里提到了box,所以大部分礼物是可以选择快递的,但是因为这条狗的原因,所以我们设计情节的时候是否可以让两个人见一面,借助狗这个桥梁,从而使人与人之间的感情升温,最终歌颂人世间的善良与友好。

Sir从自身理解角度续写了这两个段落,遵照上面的分析。

读后续写|A Balloon with Wish List《愿望气球》

 

试卷给出的范文:

Paragraph 1:

At her friend’s urging, she logged on to Facebook and saw Alvin’s post. Then she saw that people from all over were asking if they, too, could be part of fulfilling the wishlist. Leticia was touched. Curious about this man who had tried so hard to find her family, she gave him a call. When Alvin told her how much it would mean to him to grant the girl’s wishes, she agreed to let him send some gifts. Thrilled and nervous , Alvin collected five boxes’ worth of gifts girls like  and sent them off.

Paragraph2:

Still, there was one wish on the list that couldn’t go in the box: A puppy. Alvin had hoped to get every last item on that list. So he tried to search and found a perfect one in the end. After an effort-taking packing, the couple headed to Liberal. That morning, uponarriving at Luna’s house, Alvin let the puppy run to the excited girl, who exclaimed with delight when she learned it was hers. Tears fillingher eyes, Leticia offered the Bamburgs her heartfelt gratitude. It seemed that the balloon broke at just the right moment to fulfill achild’s Christmas wish and brought two faraway families together.

原文赏析:

A balloon breaks at just the right moment to bring twofaraway families together

AlvinBamburg, 66, was deep in the woods in Grand Cane, Louisiana, last December whensomething caught his eye. Crinkled and entangled in a fallentree, it looked like litter. But Bamburg feltcompelled to pick it up.

“Godjust told me,” he says.

AsBamburg approached, he saw that the object was a broken balloon. Attached was apiece of paper decorated with sparkly star stickers. It was a child’s Christmaswish list.

“DearSanta,” the handwritten note read. “My name is Luna. I am four years old. Ilive in Liberal, Kansas. This year I have been nice. I would like candy,Spider-Man ball, Frozen doll, puppy, My Little Pony. With love, Luna.”

Bamburg’sheart hammered in his chest. Ever since he was a child, he had dreamed of thisvery scenario. “Years ago,” he says, “classes at school released balloons withnotes. I’ve always wanted to find one.”

Hebelieved this was his childhood wish coming true. And he knew he was going tomake Luna’s wish come true too.

Hejust wasn’t sure how.

Bamburg takes to Facebook

Liberal,Kansas, is more than 650 miles from Grand Cane, Louisiana. But Bamburg’s wife,Lee Ann Bamburg, was undeterred bythe distance. An avid Facebook user, she had seen other people find all sortsof connections through the site and thought it might help her husband findLuna.

OnJanuary 2, 2021, Alvin posted a photo ofthe balloon and the Christmas list on his Facebook page, asking for helplocating the sender.

Atfirst, he wasn’t confident the strategy would work. But as he saw the number ofpeople sharing his post creep intothe hundreds. “My hope grew into expectation,” Alvin says. “I knew we weregoing to find Luna.”

Meanwhile,Leticia Flores-Gonzalez, the mother of four-year old Luna and her twin sister,Gianella, had no idea that such an effort was underway. She was in OklahomaCity visiting her parents.

Ithad been a hard year for Flores-Gonzalez and her girls. A few months before thepandemic hit, her parents had moved out of Kansas. No other relatives livednearby. As COVID-19 spread, the familyfelt lonely, scared, and isolated.

On aparticularly tough day last December, Flores-Gonzalez had come up with the idea of having the girls send letters to Santa byballoon. She told them that Santa would grabthe balloons while he flew throughthe air on his sled.

Thetwins were excited. Flores-Gonzalez helped them compose their letters, writing down all the things they dreamedSanta might bring them, and then put thenotes into festive red balloons.

Shedressed the girls in identical pink sweatshirts—it was a chilly, windymorning—and put floppy bows in theirhair, then took them outside torelease their wishes to the universe.

“Bye,balloons!” the girls called, waving as the balloons floated away, sailing abovethe trees and into the sky.

Thefamily enjoyed a modest Christmas together, and then the calendar turned to anew year. One day in early January, Flores-Gonzalez noticed that a friend hadbeen calling her all morning. When Flores-Gonzalez finally called her back, thefriend blurted, “Someone found Luna’s balloon.”

“Myjaw dropped,” Flores-Gonzalez says. At her friend’s urging, she logged on toFacebook and saw Alvin’s post. Then she saw that people from all over wereasking if they, too, could be part of fulfilling the wish list.

A connection was made

Flores-Gonzalezwas touched. But she hesitated before reaching out to Alvin. She hadn’t reallyexpected anyone would find the balloons, let alone offer to buy gifts for herdaughters.

Butshe was curious about this man who had tried so hard to find her family. So shegave him a call. When Alvin told her how much it would mean to him to grant thegirls’ wishes, she agreed to let him send some gifts.

“Somebodyfound one of your balloons,” Flores-Gonzalez told the twins. “Santa dropped itby accident. One of his elves found it.”

Backin Louisiana, Alvin got busy collecting toys from his newfound Facebookcommunity. He collected five boxes’ worth of gifts for the girls, sending themoff with a note signed “Alvin the Elf.”

  Still, there was one wish on the list thatcouldn’t go in the box: A puppy. Alvin had hoped to get every last item on thatlist. And so, with Flores-Gonzalez’s blessing, he started searching for theperfect pooch.

Hefound it in a dachshund puppy, which he kept at his home until it was time forAlvin the Elf to make a house call.

FromLouisiana to Oklahoma

InApril, Alvin and Lee Ann headed to Oklahoma City. That morning, just as chillyand windy as the day Luna and Gianella waved goodbye to their balloons, Alvingot out of the car in front of the girls’ grandparents’ house. He let the puppyrun to the twins, who squealed with delight when they learned it was theirs.

“Isthis what you wanted for Christmas, girls?” Flores-Gonzalez asked.

“Yes!”they said as they hugged their new pet.

Later,both families sat down together to share homemade tacos. They all agreed—itfelt as though they had known each other forever.

“Wesee him as part of our family now,” Flores-Gonzalez says of Alvin. “We keep intouch almost daily.”

Now,after having received so much generosity, Flores-Gonzalez and her girls intendto pay it forward this year. When they travel to Mexico at Christmastime, theywill take toys, clothing, and shoes to give to children there.

Afterall, Alvin went more than the extra mile. “He could have just thrown thatballoon in the trash. But he wanted to find Luna,” Flores-Gonzalez says.

Alvinfeels his chance encounter with that red balloon showed him his calling. He beganattending a Santa Claus training school, with the goal of playing jolly old St.Nick at toy drives and homeless shelters.

“God hears our prayers,” he says. “When you ask for something, it may not happenimmediately. I’ve wanted this since I was a teenager.”

 

 

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最后编辑于:2022/2/12 拔丝英语网

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